Learning to Fly

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Win Lotto with a guy's words

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

There's a guy always asked me this question.

I know he's not sweet type and to hear sweet words from him is like you win Lottery. But, some times, I wish I would hear something surprising.

One day, I went to my friend's place. Before I knew it, it already got dark and I had no idea how to get home.

"Do you want me to pick you up?" The same old question was asked from the guy.

"Is it OK? Would you mind driving me home?" I asked.

"Wait there," he said.

After getting in his car and being scolded for why I didn't leave there before the sun set, I could see his worries about my safety obviously. However, before he realized, I already felt bad, guilt because the way he said sounded like I have done a big mistake, and paled.

I said Thank You, kissed his cheek as I usually did, and got off his car quietly when we reached my home.

You know what?

I really don't like this feeling....

Once again, I had to work late at night at my friend's place.

My phone rang; I picked up; and I realized I was about to be asked the same old question.

"Do you want me to..."

"Dear," I interupted.

"Would you mind saying this?" I continued. "Can I pick you up and drive you home?"

I know it's not different be the meaning, which is "I will pick you up, OK?"

But for me, it caused different feeling.

As being a sweet type, he replied me,

"Stay there. I will pick you up."

Nothing else I would want to do but only smiled for his trying.

Well...... this is a guy I know for 10 years and had been being in relationship for almost 7 years.

Not long time ago,

there's another guy I know.

I know he has no idea at all about how different words he uses affect my different feelings.

When we hang out together, I always hear him says, "You can come, Khwan."

As knowing him on some level, I know that is an invitation.

And as knowing what he orginally is, I do not expect him any sweet words from him.

Somehow I underestimate this guy??

While I was deciding not to join a dinner with a group of people, this little guy ran to me.

He held my hand and told me something I never ever thought I would hear from him.

"Can you come?

I want to sit by you when we have dinner."

While I was stunning because of unexpected words he said, he said a magic word,

"Please, Kwhan, please."

Suddenly, it sounded like my name was announced as the one who won Mega Million Lotto just because I was invited by a hidden-sweet-type guy to a steakhouse.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Valentine

"What day is today?" I asked.

"Wednesday," he replied.

That was an answer I got on Valentine's day in the year of 2006.

Valentine's day, 2007

3 dozens of white roses were delivered to my apartment with a tiny card written,

"You have no idea how sweet you are.

Thank you for being my valentine."

Valentine's day, 2008

Pinkish orange roses were in a vase on my desk.

"Whom you've got them from?" my mom asked when she saw the roses.

"I bought them for myself." I replied.

In 2009,

I forgot that there's Valentine's day.

:P

Actually, on the day of love, Valentine's day, I don't feel any thing special.

For me, it is just an ordinary day. I don't really expect anything from anyone although Ionce was impress with the roses I have got from someone and it made a very big smile lasted on my face for a couple weeks.

All I do on this day is just to enjoy atmosphere around, and give a big smile when I see anyone holds flowers. When I was in highschool, I would prepare some tiny heart stickers to stick them on my friends' student uniform collars just to have fun.

And that's it... That's what my Valentine's day is like.

Valentine's day, 2010

I celebrated the day with my foriegn friends by exchanging some chocolate and hanging out among the crowd in China town, NYC, together.

Valentine's day in China town...

Actually, they were celebrating Lunar New Year. :P

This is what I could see....

Not lion dancing parade, not any shows, not any roses, nothing...

but black heads of people around...

After taking hours to walk thru NYC, my friends and I finally reached to Times Square.

Share a kiss in Times Square??

With whom??

Valentine's day confession....

I tried to find my valentine in NYC on this day.

As realizing it was not that easy to find one...., after hours and hours walking,

I finally found my valentine!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Already miss the sign...

What do you do when you find that you get to somewhere farther than your expected destination?

What do you do when you come farther than you thought?

Will you turn back?

Or will you keep going although you have no idea where you're going to?

I always clumsily go through my expected destination. No matter it is driving, walking or any other ways, I often pass the point I planned to get to accidentally.

Luckily, I finally noticed some signs before it would get me trouble.

What I do is to follow the sign, turn back to the way I have used to get to the point I firstly mean to go.

Currently, it seems I am driving to somewhere where I have no idea what, where, when, and how the end is.

I am not sure whether I should take this path or not and no idea at all where this path would lead me to.

Actually, I see yellow trafic light which tells me to slow down. But for original Thai, we take it as "step on the hammer and go faster." Since I am Thai... but already stay in the USA, I am not sure if i should slow down or keep going.

While I was wondering, before I knew it, I realize I already come too far.

A statement of my best friend is like the red light, reminding me to try to less speed and stop while I hesitate if I want to do it.

Do I want to stop?

Definitely not!

But, well....

I don't want a ticket.

Somehow I should limit my speed since I think I am going too fast?

I know so far I am too far and I realize I already pass the point I should be. But since I am not a good driver and I often miss the signs, and well, driving in the USA is kinda confusing for me right now, you think I should turn back?

Or stop somehow?

Friday, February 5, 2010

What makes a family?

What does a word FAMILY mean?

When I was young, I always heard that a family contains a father, a mother, and kids.

When I grew up, then I learned to know that, in a family, there doesn't have to be dad, mom and me.

My definition of FAMILY changed to be something else which is verbally unexplainable, but can be explained by heart.

Currently, I am with a great family.

Why great? It's not because of their economic status like house, cars, jobs, or else.

What I see in this family is a sweet couple. The parents are nice and sweet to each other. They are partners; always share opinions and encourage each other. They are humourous and patient to their kids but strict at the same time.

When I look at the mother, I see a great woman.

She's active, kind, understanding and calm person. She always is patient with the kids and finds some time to spend with each kid equally.

"Tired?" I asked her.

"Always," she answered. Although that was I got as her answer, but I always see her smile and laugh with the kids.

As looking at her, I wonder if I could be like her if I would ever have my own kids.

Then, the father,

He's the only one to work in this family. Though I heard he said he's tired with his work every evenings during dinner time, I always see him runs to the kids every times he gets back, encourages his wife when the kids wear her out and help her taking care of them.

What I like in him is that he doesn't put burden about the kids only on his wife's shoulders, but he doesn't mind to jump to help whenever the kids get her in trouble.
These are differences I see in some family I know.As looking at him, I wonder if my future husband could be like this.

After spending all of my life to see people around, I picture what my own family would be.

But anyway, all I wish to get from my boyfriend is only do not ever leave me deal with my life alone, give me hand, and encourage me whenever I feel discouraged.

And if my boyfriend would ever turn to be a father, fatherhood would happen itself once he knows there would be a new life which is a part of his life.

If that situation would ever happen in my life, I am excited to see how a guy turn to be a father.

I talk nonesense, you think?

Well... before I dream away about my boyfriend, husband, or even great father of my kids,

now, I should find that guy first.

Monday, January 25, 2010

First step on the land called USA

Finally, I find my way back to my blog.

Let me tell you something about being here.

When I arrived in the USA, O'hare in Chicago welcomed me with -1 degree celsius temperature. I returned his favor by having jetlag. While realizing that the airport was huge and the immigration checkpoint was frustrating, I was confused and got headache by transit trains there and missed my flight to New York on purpose just to hop on the train over and over.

28-hour flight (exclude the time I meant to spend more in O'hare) was tiring... It made my new Thai friend and me to be the last ones to get to the campus where our orientaion was.

And... yeah....

"To be late is OK," we kept our Thai identity perfectly.... Thai aupair was the last to get there....

Craft class, I made Thailand national flag pole.

Everyone seemed surprised to hear me talked about every single day, around 8 in the morning and 6 in the evening, Thai people stop and stand still until Thailand national song finishes.

Believe me, it is not as amazing as you see it yourself when you're among the crowd and everyone stops walking suddenly just to stand still, just like you pause video, and things move again after the song.

Anyway,

My days at the orientation was over and now I have moved my bottom to be with a nice family for a few days. I still need time to adjust myself to get use to things around here.

Wanna share my bed?

It's too big for me to be in there alone.

One thing that I adjust myself to it very, very well is food. While the other girls said, "eww" or "yike" while staring at food in cafeteria, Alisa was enjoying the food and asking for more.

I know that it would sound regretful... But I predict myself that there would be a dozen kilo grams I would gain when I return home.

And you know what? My sense is always right!!

As knowing I am about to get sick and medicine I am taking has an effect on my sleepiness, I think I am about to have homesick...

My schedule turns different. There's no staying up late at night to chat with someone, no getting dress in the morning to get to school and no waiting home in the evening to have dinner with mom.

As writing to this line...., I guess I already have homesick....

If there's something different, please know that I am asking for some time to get use to things around.

And if I can handle it, I may not gain much weight as I predict.